Christmas is history now for 2010 and this year was the year to "keep it simple". Christmas to me is a recipe for stress and I didn't want no part of the stress. It was a realization that Christmas has become something so much more different than it was intended to be. Yes, it is a Christian celebration that has turned into many twists.
This year was the first Christmas in a long time where I felt peace inside. Usually Christmas to me is happy and sad because we don't get to see both my older kids for Christmas. It has been that way since my divorce to Rod in 1999. It has become very different but I try to make the best of it. I am still thankful that I have family whom I love and that there is a sense of belonging. Family and belonging. Wow what a concept!
As I sit in the rented basement suite of Rick's home away from home and ponder the last four years, I have come to the realization that the most important thing about my marriage and family is to be together. Rick has travelled that long and dangerous highway 63 from Fort McMurray to Okotoks for over four years now and it is a bittersweet thing. I truly love my home and the beauty of Okotoks and being close to shopping and the mountains and parents, but I also realize that it is a recipe for lonlieness for both Rick and I and Clayton is missing out on his Dad at probably the most formative years. It saddens me and I realize that I have made a big mistake by moving back home. It really wasn't my idea, but my husband suggested it as he didn't think I was doing well in the great white north. Little did he know he would grow to hate the long 8 hour drive every 6 days and we would miss the simple things like eating a meal together and being able to give each other a hug every day and snuggle in bed every day. I have realized that things are not that important and that I am willing to get back to the basics. The simplicity of family life with not a lot of things, but having each other. I never realized how materialism can be a curse. Now I know.
I do not look forward to the isolation and the cold winters, but I do look forward to the "belonging" and the hugs and laughter in person instead of over Facetime on our iPhones.
I have also realized if a person wants to be happy, then be.....
Lee-Anne, it was nice to read this. Cause it is important to be close to the one you spend the most with. I can relate to alot of what you said in your post. If Tim could find a job that he loved as much as the one that he has now, I would ask him to think about it. However, he loves his job, and the travel is great for both of us. I don't think that I will ever get use to him being gone. And Candice asked me the other day " Mom, if dad has this job offered to him when I was still at home, would he of taken it?" And my answer was "No". It happened after we left FortMac, cause Candice wasn't home and we had more freedom. Lee-Anne, you made all the right choices up this point in your life, based on what you knew at the time, FINAL! And I miss you very much. Thanks for sharing. Love Clare
ReplyDeleteLee-Anne...you know what is right in your heart and that is the path you need to follow in your life :)
ReplyDeleteMichele